her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
