i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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