If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
wow bdsm is so cute
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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