with your own penis?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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