at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
