I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
