How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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