no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
