i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
