so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
