maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She bit a glass in half.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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