If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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