So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
