You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
