The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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