Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
