soooo we both peed the bed last night...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am naked and annoyed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
