i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
