I heard we made out
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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