1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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