I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
