her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
