now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
