Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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