i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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