your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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