you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
