I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh god it's open bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
