She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
