you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
