the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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