I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
