He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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