I just saw a hot homeless man
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
