You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
