I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
