my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
