hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
