I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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