My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
