There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
