Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
