You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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