I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
