She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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