I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
