the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
