It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
