why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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