Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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