Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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