Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
