i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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