There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
