i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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