I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
