oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
