no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
