I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
