Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
